Nurse Jokes

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Patient: "Nurse, I just swallowed my pillow!"
Nurse: "How do you feel?"
Patient: "A little down in the mouth"

You know you are a nurse when discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal.
You know you are a nurse when you compliment a complete stranger on his veins.
You know you are a nurse when you find yourself betting on someone's alcohol level.
You know you are a nurse when you know that K-Y jelly is optional.

What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
"Some asshole has my pen!"

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

How do you save a doctor from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.

What 's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
A nun only serves one God.